He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
