I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
