Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
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