You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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