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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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