That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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