how can u be prego again
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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