Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
