Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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