They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
