Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
