we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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