Im at strip club and am horny
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
cat food counts as protein by the way
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
