While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
