so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Never joke about your clitoris.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
