Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
