That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
