I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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