I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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