Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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