The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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