Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
