I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
