9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
