it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
