i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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