I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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