The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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