I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
