kristin has been a bad kristin
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
