it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
