i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
