i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
