Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
