put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
