My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Randomize
