return my video game
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
