its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it hurts more in the daytime
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
