She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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