Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
