I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
