A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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