were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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