I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
