I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
there was a trapeze. enough said
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
