Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
