I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
