What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
