I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
