Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
