your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
